Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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