dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
