Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
