I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
