Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
