I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was so not down for the gang bang
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
