Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
