and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
