O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
