I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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