I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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