I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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