You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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