She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
