What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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