you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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