no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
