non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
