She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I believe in your delicious
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
