Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
