I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
