just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
