I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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