My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
