I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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