very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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