is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
