And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
