sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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