Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
