Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize