why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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