when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
