are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
