A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
