best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
