she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
