Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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