I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
