So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
