i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
