you would pick up someone in the library
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
