I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
