So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
