Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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