Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
