I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
