Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
