you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
