I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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