man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
