Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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