just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
