Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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