fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
