You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
