so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
