she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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