I am midnight drunk by noon
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
