i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize