some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
