i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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