The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize