I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
