Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
