Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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