Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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