Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
BRING THE BAGELS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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