Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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