You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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