When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My life is pants optional.
Randomize