sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
