Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
