I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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