in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
