its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
