I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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