im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
