I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
