yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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