yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
