also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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