I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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