woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize