The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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