Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
