I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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