theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
