I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
