it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
