wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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