Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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