I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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