Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
