So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
