Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
