Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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