fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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