I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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