I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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