VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize