I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
